Hi Ho

My week and a bit of holidays is up as of tomorrow morning. I guess it’s back to the rat race with me.

But I don’t want to race rats.

They smell, and they bite, and they carry the bubonic plague. Well, some of them did.

I’m going to be all petty and pouty about this. I know my holiday wasn’t nearly as full-on or hardcore as I intended it to be. I’m fairly sure I’m no more ripped than I was going in. I blame all the cheese. But I did do some cool things.

I ran more kilometres during my holidays than I had done in the entire last month. That’s gotta be worth something. At the very least, surely I’m on track for the marathon in January.

On Friday I did my long run, as I didn’t expect to be able to run on Saturday or Sunday. I was reminded once again that at this level of training, the battle is mostly mental. The physical aspect only kicks in at the end.

I got out of bed with great difficulty, as I was full into holiday mode. But I got up at around 6:15 or thereabouts, the sun shining insistently through my window. I did all the usual pre-run things like dressing (as running naked down the road doesn’t appeal to anyone, let alone myself) and bathroom stuff (my digestive system takes it personally when I wake up early to run, and it isn’t into peaceful protests). By the time I stepped out the door, the sky was grey and full of clouds, and rain was bucketing down. Ever so slightly let down and miserable at the prospect of running in the freezing cold rain - and it was freezing, I checked - in my tank top and stretchy shorts, I turned tail and went back up the stairs.

Part of me wanted to take this as a sign from the gods that I really should go running some other time. Part of me wanted to rip off my stretchy pants and fall back into bed. But I didn’t. I actually spoke to myself at this point. “Get your jacket, get your gloves and get back out there, you stupid bitch.”

And I did. I put on my hoodie and a pair of fingerless gloves (because I’m apparently Rocky Balboa), but no beanie (because I may be Rocky but it’s not the middle of winter). I went out the door and I started running.

About a kilometre later the rain stopped and the sun came out, and it proceeded to be quite warm and rather humid, which was a shame because I had to run for the next three hours or so with a hoodie tied around my waist. This just goes to show that I should have braved the weather to begin with and quit whinging about a little bit of rain.

I was going to aim for twelve and a half kilometres before turning around and going back the other way for a total of 25 kilometres. I got distracted at the halfway point by the prospect of water (as I didn’t bring any water or nutrition along for the run. Probably a bad idea, in hindsight) and I didn’t turn around until my GPS was reading 13 kilometres. Turns out that the GPS was buggy, because I only ended up with a run of 25.5 kilometres. Not that I’m complaining. That’s pretty awesome.

It got pretty hard in the last half because I hadn’t eaten and my muscles were starting to notice, but I kept getting little bursts of adrenaline which kept me going. All in all, I’m quite happy with that long run. It even had a few of those OMG THE WORLD IS AWESOME, I’M AWESOME AND I LOVE EVERYTHING moments, which are always welcome on a long run.

I did another run this morning. Just a simple 10 kilometres. Nothing too flash, but I’m glad I got out there. The real trial is going to be keeping my momentum now that I’m going to be back at work again. I just have to think about Tasmania, and January, and a great big purple floating block of chocolate.

What? That doesn’t even make sense.

Don’t care. PURPLE FLOATING BLOCK OF CHOCOLATE!

I think it’s probably time for bed now. I’m planning to do a little bit of hulking out in the morning before heading to work.

Operation Smoking Hot

I’m currently on a week and a half of leave, as I’ve just finished a major project at work and I’m soon going to start another job. You know what this means? Hooray! Let’s work out!

I don’t have any plans to travel, and I don’t want to waste my time being all lazy. This plan really appealed to me. I get to work out hard every day, and really push my limitations. I’m being full-on masochistic about this. Cardio until my heart rate crashes through the roof, resistance training to collapse. I got myself a copy of the Insanity workout DVDs, and boy are they a good workout. Plyometric stuff just kills me, but it’s gotta be doing me good. By next Tuesday I hope to have achieved some visible results, but I don’t expect anything dramatic. Especially since the original plan also involved a drastic diet, which I decided was a terrible idea. Then I bought cheese. I’m currently eating said cheese with crackers, and drinking a nice chilled Sauvignon Blanc. But my biceps look great, and my abs are pretty fantastic.

On the running front, I’m actually doing quite well at the moment. I had a bad couple of weeks, which got me down (and stopped me from writing sooner), but I did a nice 20km run on Saturday so I know I’m still in the game. The run was fast, easy and verging on fun. There’s a song I’ve been playing recently, guaranteed to deliver that endorphin rush I sorely need at the 18km mark.

Yesterday I ran a slightly slower but still fun 10km. It was a bit on the warm side because I couldn’t drag myself from sleep early enough. 8:00 or thereabouts, but the sweat started pouring almost as soon as I stepped out the door. Yep, definitely need to start waking up earlier. Tomorrow morning I'm going to get up at the crack of dawn and do 20km. Won't be fast and probably won't be easy but I feel the need.

In other news, I signed up for a charity Santa Fun Run at the end of November, the entry fee for which actually includes a santa suit to wear for the run. Awesomeness. I’m really looking forward to this one, if for the exciting new Facebook profile photo alone. I think it’s going to be a great day. Anyone who has a spare $25 and a hankering to do a dash as the jolly fat man should come along.

Stick with me, baby. I'm goin' places!

Ah, the commuter run. It’s been a while since I’ve run anywhere to actually GET somewhere, and I kinda sorta forgot how hard it could be. If you’re running a loop, and you start to feel like shit, you can turn around and run back the other way. When you’re running somewhere to get from A to B you generally just have to keep on running. Add to that the fact that it’s not generally a premium running time (case in point, 8:30 on a really warm spring morning) and because I’m an idiot who likes to push the envelope I usually have a full pack on my back as well.

I have to say that I love the bike paths here in Canberra. If you want to get from one town centre to another by foot (or bicycle, if you’re twisted that way), there’s no better way. You just have to learn to trust the path. If you trust the path, you won’t get lost. This refers to the direction, not the distance. The distance may be way off.

I went about half a kilometre in the wrong direction this morning because I knew that finding the bike path would pay off in the end. When I got on the path, I saw a sign which told me that I was eight kilometres out of Gungahlin. That sounded about right to me, but it turned out to be a little bit of a underestimation. Add three kilometres to that, and you’re a little closer to the truth.

I almost lost my faith in the path today. I’d never gone in this direction from the city to Gungahlin before, and at one point I seemed to be out in the middle of nowhere. There seemed to be fields. No livestock, though. Or other farmy things. But as far as I knew, I could have been on the road to Yass or something. Or some other rural place about which I have no geographical knowledge. I faltered, but I didn’t turn around. Mostly, because I realised that the bike paths themselves don’t go outside of Canberra. If I wanted to run to Yass or Bungendore or… I dunno. Where else would I run? Captain’s Flat? Collector? Anyway, I’d have to do it on the roads and I’d probably get run over by a ute. Or a cyclist in stretchy pants.

Turns out I was going in the right direction after all, but the run wasn't a lot of fun, all things considered.

My nose started streaming like a tap as soon as I stepped outdoors, thanks to the fluffy shit in the air and all the hayfever-ness it causes. I didn’t have a handlerchief on me, or any antihistamines. So… Yay. That wasn’t fun. My pack wasn’t too heavy to begin with but soon started to feel stupid-heavy. The sunscreen stung my eyelids. It also didn’t seem to be working, at all.

The whole route seemed to be a hill. Never down, always up, mostly gradual. If I did it in the other direction I’d probably feel like a superhero because it’d be almost effortless and I wouldn’t know why. A couple of old guys on bicycles overtook me (fairly slowly, I’ll say) on one particularly brutal hill, and I caught up with them again at a traffic light up ahead. I said good morning, because despite the crappiness of the run I could still manage to be cheerful. They told me it’d been tough to overtake me on that hill, and I’d been going at a pretty good clip. Happy to hear that. I ran past them again in Gungahlin later, after I had just queued up to vote in the local election.

I was intending to round my run out to a proper 20 kilometre long run, but I hadn’t gone too far along the way before I started longing for a nice cool shower and some bacon. Rather than continuing along to the lake after arriving in Gungahlin, I voted and went straight home. 11.5 kms, all up. Not too shabby. I definitely earned brunch.

Bacon and banana pancakes always taste better when I’ve earned them.

Next time, I might leave my gear and just bring my usual bumbag along for the run. And maybe I’ll start out a little earlier.

The Runner's Trots

I’ve had a great week, running-wise. I slipped up on the weekend because I didn’t feel like waking up early to run on Saturday. I should know by now that it’s a recipe for disaster. If I don’t run on Saturday, chances are that I ain’t gonna run. Feeling somewhat worse for wear as a result of missing my big weekend effort, I went out after work on Monday for what was intended to be a nice short 5km stagger and turned out to be an almost six and a half kilometre victory lap of awesomeness. I did sprints, I ran my favourite Zombies, Run! mission. I listened to some great music. It was a really good one.

After Monday’s success I did some weights at home on Tuesday. Then, rather than break the chain I ran before work on Wednesday, just a quick four kilometres, because I knew I wouldn’t have a chance at night. I always go out on Wednesdays.

There was this moment on Wednesday morning. My alarm went off, half past four or something stupid like that. Rather than snooze it, I turned it off completely. Good girl! Then, I lay there in a groggy puddle of my own sleepiness for a couple of minutes, before coming to the ill-advised conclusion that the best thing to do was just go back to sleep and forget this business ever happened. Bad girl. No ice-cream for you.

I blurrily commanded my phone “Siri! Wake me up at 5:30!” and tried to return to the comforting warmth of my dream. And it didn’t work. I stayed awake. I got even more awake. After about 30 seconds of this horrifying return to clarity I had a visit from my old friend Willpower. “Siri!” I said. “Turn off my alarm! And bring me a sandwich!”

Siri did not bring me a sandwich. But she did turn off my alarm. And I went out and ran. And it was good. And I totally deserved the maxibon I ate later that night.

Surprise of all surprises, willpower seems to be hanging around. I actually fell asleep on the bus this evening. Not just an eyes-closed public transport meditation, an honest to goodness nap. After that, I wouldn’t expect to be very enthusiastic about getting back out for a supply mission in the zombie wasteland. However, as soon as I’d gotten in the door, made a quick stop to the bathroom and changed my clothes, I was outside pounding the pavement.

Tonight’s run has taught me a valuable lesson that I already should have known.

Always make sure you have the bathroom thing under control before you go out for a run of more than about three kilometres. Super important. I thought I was fine, and I was actually going quite well, until about three and a half kilometres into my five kilometre route. Then I was struck simultaneously with severe stomach cramps and the realisation that there were no public toilets anywhere near me. I had to endure the agony for what seemed like a lifetime.

This was also the moment when the other douchebags on the path decided to turn on their super-douchebag abilities just to piss me off. I had dogs nipping at my heels (in a very literal sense) and also trying to play chicken with me (they lost). I had women with prams walking side by side with other women with prams. I just love that. I also had people who would stay most politely on their side of the path until the very moment I changed lanes to run around them, when they would decide that the place they really wanted to be at this point in time was standing right in front of me. Then they would duck back and forth and laugh at me. Look, people. Just do your shit. Walk where you were walking before. I don’t care. I will run around you. I will make the extra effort. Don’t pretend it’s cute or funny that I can’t get around you when you do that stupid indecisive little dance. I will get pissed off and divert onto the grass, and for some stupid fucking reason you will consider this to be rude, as if I’m intending to cause offence by giving you and your smug antics a wide berth. Newsflash. I am. I am too good for your stupid footpath. And you are a douchebag.

Anyway, my verbal abilities were kind of limited because I was starting to get that horrible cold sweat that doesn’t come from exercise because it only comes from the overwhelming need to find a bathroom tout suite. So I mumbled a few things at the douchebags. May have been expletives. I don’t quite remember. And finally, after a horrendous ordeal, I made it home.

Please, self, if you take nothing more from this experience, please remember this. Always get the bathroom stuff sorted before you run. Always. You may think it’s over when you stumble in the door, but it’s never over. Ah, cruel nature.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have an early-ish night because that’s the only way I can distract myself from the fact that I’ve still got an incredibly upset stomach. My run has left a legacy, alright. Hope it’s gone by tomorrow.

Chocolate!

I’m so hungry right now. I’ve been really good, food-wise, over the last two days, and I’m feeling all empowered and healthy and shit. And dizzy. Kinda dizzy. Not badly. But yeah, it’s there. I don’t want to stop now, but I may have a cheat meal tomorrow night.

I submitted my registration for the Cadbury Marathon this evening. Such a cheap race, especially with an extra discount on top. The trip itself is a bit pricier, but I got some cheap airfares. Feeling pretty psyched about January. Really looking forward to the trip. Mum’s coming along, and we’re going to hire a car. So we can do touristy stuff. Now that I’ve actually got the Marathon booked, and the flights booked, I definitely have to get serious about the training. Four and a half hours. That’s what I’m going for, here. Eyes on the prize.

I’m in the mood to do something stupid tomorrow. Maybe a 4:30 wake-up. Jump out of bed and straight into my running gear. Knock out a quick 5km before showering and heading in to work at the usual time. Eh. Not sure. It’ll be cold. And probably dark.

I’m starting to remember how much I like that smug feeling you get from being fitter and cooler and more awesome than everyone else. That may be just the motivator I need.

That, and January seems so close, and 42 kilometres is a long, long way.

Legs like a table. Arms like a chair.

Okay, NOW I’m getting my groove back. Today was a fake-ass public holiday for no reason, so I wanted to take the opportunity to kick off the marathon training. Unfortunately, my plan to wake up at 5:00am to go jogging and be all virtuous and shit was foiled by sheer laziness. I’d like to blame it on daylight savings, if I can. Can I? Okay.

So the morning run was off the cards thanks to daylight savings. So I spent the morning cleaning instead because I’ve got a house inspection on Wednesday. As soon as boredom set in (about 2:30 in the afternoon) I slathered myself with about a litre of sunscreen and went out for a nice slow stagger.

I turned off the sprints on Zombies, Run! because I was going for distance over time. The weather was nice. Not too hot, a cool breeze but not a great deal of wind. An awesome spring day. My throat didn’t bother me too much, so I think I’m finally almost recovered from the tonsil stuff.

I spent most of the run in thoughtful introspection, as one may tend to do while being chased by the mangled re-animated corpse of a helicopter pilot. Not bad thinking, just thinking thinking. Funnily enough, I don’t do a lot of that when I’m running these days. I constantly distract myself with music and podcasts and zombies. Sometimes, I need to distract myself from the pain or the exhaustion. Sometimes I just need to not be thinking, or it might go into a black and horrible place where I don’t want to be, especially whilst running. Just a penalty for being me, I guess. Today, though, I was happy to be thinking. Life is pretty good, right now.

I got beeped at by, like, three cars while I was running. That’s a few more than usual. It’s not as if I were naked. Or screaming obscenities. Or particularly attractive, for that matter, shiny with sunscreen and sweat, spotted with dead bugs and bright red in the face (not from sunburn, thanks to the sunscreen). I was wearing a skirt. But I was wearing three-quarter length stretchy pants under my skirt. The stretchy pants were to avoid between-leg chafe which would generally be caused by the skirt. The skirt was to avoid butt-related self-consciousness, which would generally be caused by the stretchy pants. It’s a symbiotic relationship.

I should have brought some water with me, but I didn’t think about it until it was too late. Altogether, today I ran 15.26 kilometres in 1:40:50. Not particularly fast, but not incredibly slow either, at a pace of 6:37 per kilometre. A nice steady, easy long run.

I’m going to try to get two more runs in this week. Evening runs, after work. Could this possibly be caused by the fact that my favourite Zombies, Run! mission is coming up after the next one, and it’s a mission that is best run at night, in the dark? Probably. But I take my motivation where I can get it. There seems to be a limited supply of motivation to go around, these days.

How I fell flat on my face

There are scrapes all down my leg, and there is gravel in my palms. My shoulder is going to bruise up badly tomorrow, but luckily my tattoo is still intact. Although footpath is harder on the feet than road when you’re running, I’m fairly sure that concrete is less painful, all things considered, when you fall on it. It seems like road would be a bit more… abrasive.

Not that I feel like testing it out.

I had this great big extended metaphor that I was going to write, going into the circumstances of how I tripped on the pavement this morning, and extending it further to talk about how I’ve been sick and lazy and haven’t run in weeks and weeks. But what’s the point? I fell. Then, I fell. Guess I’m just a lazy/clumsy bitch.

I’m not going to dwell on it. I went for a ten kilometre run this morning. My lungs didnae like it. I’ve been sick with tonsillitis for some time now. Feeling mostly better, but my throat is still being sucky. I feel like I’m dehydrated all the time. Obviously I didn’t drink enough water yesterday. Not a good idea. Anyway, The first half of the run was tough. It did get better eventually. I did a bunch of good sprints, with the awesome motivation of being chased by zombies.

I had about five hundred metres to go, when I tripped and flailed around for a couple of metres in an attempt to regain my feet. Inevitably, I failed. Skidded across the concrete. An old couple was watching me, and they didn’t ask if I was okay. I guess I didn’t register as an important thing.

Anyway, back to the gym tomorrow. I’ve got me a marathon in January, so I’d better start getting my shit together.

Healthy DOES NOT equal delicious.

Last Thursday I decided to run up and down the stairs for 20 minutes at lunchtime rather than go to the gym. As a result, my calves have been killing ever since. I can only just stand on tiptoes again. Not that I tend to stand on tiptoes often.

Just not feeling 100% today. Tried to clean, forgot about the bedroom. Decided to be healthy, because the scales hate me and keep lying just to piss me off. Made a healthy stir fry for lunch, and it tasted awful.

Days like this, I don’t want to be a grown-up. It sucks. Adults feel like they have to eat certain stuff, not because they want to or because it’s great and they enjoy it. Because it’s healthy. Because they think they have to. Screw this. If healthy food was so goddamn good, then everyone would be eating it. Healthy food is depressing. You can’t just eat healthy food one day a week and expect to be skinny or fit. You have to eat that shit every day. Cut out the bread, cut out the alcohol. No pasta, no sugar. Forget frying things. Butter ist verboten!

I hate this. I try so hard, but then I fuck up. And end up in a worse place than I was in when I started. If I could only see some sort of improvement, some sort of end-point, then I may be more motivated to get there.

The way I see it, I’m doggy-paddling, and I’m caught in a current. I’m just going to run out of energy one day, unless I can find some way to give myself a boost.

How am I supposed to comfort myself, when all I have for comfort is carrots and fucking peas? I’m sick of peas. I want fig and honey ice-cream. Hot caramel sauce. Crunchy biscuit crumbles. That’s comfort food. Soft cheese and crackers and wine. Not bloody apples. I’m sick of bloody apples.

I’ll probably be better tomorrow. Gym, maybe a bit of treadmill work. Proper run on Tuesday after work, perhaps. If I can get home at a reasonable time.

In the meantime, being a public servant sucks for being healthy. Morning teas, more morning teas. Constant stream of snack foods. I’m going to put my headphones on and trying to ignore it.

EDIT: Ah, forgot to mention. Official time for the Canberra Times Fun Run was 54:42.

Woot.

A quick race report before snoozytime

I’m feeling absolutely wiped right now, so I’ll make this a quick one and then I’ll go and have an early night.

I got up this morning feeling fine, after a fairly moderate evening. Wine, but not too much wine. Cigarettes, but… Yeah, okay. Maybe too many cigarettes. Even one would have been too many. Went to bed before midnight, as I recall. Breakfast was entirely fruit-based, and I supplemented that with half a hairy lemon tablet, two ibuprofen and an antihistamine. A bit of water, and I was ready to go.

I didn’t wear my costume, as anticipated. I thought it would be windy and horrible but it was really a lovely warm morning. Sunny. Almost too sunny, but I did remember to sunscreen myself up before I went out there. The field was big, but basically pollte and easy to ignore. I cranked my music the whole way, interspersed with pace information courtesy of Runkeeper. I didn’t feel the need to get my Garmin out. To be perfectly honest, I still don’t trust the bitch after it screwed me over in Sydney.

I went out a wee bit too fast, just a shade over 5:00 per kilometre. Because I was lacking the constant feedback of the Garmin I didn’t realise until the end of the first kilometre, and by that time I felt I was in a comfortable stride and wasn’t willing to chicken out. The second kilometre got steadily less comfortable, and by the time I hit kilometre number 3 my heart was leaping in my chest and I could imagine myself having a heart attack or some sort of fit any minute, twitching and gasping on the side of the road like a dying goldfish.

I gradually slowed through the race, but this was mostly because I was hurting. My legs kept on, but my lungs were struggling. I know, all my own fault. I do seem to recall though that there were only two water stops along the way. That can’t be right. Surely they have at least three. Surely they always did. I got a bit dehydrated along the way. I tried to spit (maybe 4 kilometres in) but I couldn’t. I gagged, almost vomited, ended up spitting all down the front of my pants and when I tried to remedy this situation I lost track of where I was going and basically ran into a light pole.

Clever girl.

It wasn’t an easy 10kms, but it was a beautiful morning and I was thoroughly psyched when it was over. So I guess it was a success. I was going to put a map picture in here with my route, but then I realised that it doesn't actually say anything interesting. The Garmin maps show pace and stuff, but I didn't have my Garmin. Doh.

I think I broke my personal best, probably by about a minute. I’m not entirely sure yet, but I’ll get the results tomorrow or Tuesday. My unofficial result at this point is 54:46, which is pretty nice. It gets harder and harder to break my records, but at least I’m still on the way up and not actually getting worse. Woohoo.

I had a nice big brunch after the race. No lunch, but a nice long nap. Leftover cake-related goodies. Popcorn. An embarrassingly unhealthy dinner, that I won’t go into here. I think I can afford it, but it’s back on the diet and back into the gym tomorrow.

Night, all.

Hmm

Not so sure about the costume, anymore. I’m running solo this year, and I haven’t had a PB in the 10km since 2010.

Getting a PB In a french maid costume doesn’t seem likely, and I won’t be comfortable. I think I’d much rather go hard, push myself til I pass out or puke. No sense in doing this if I’m not going to go all the way. I will try to survive and keep both of my legs, but anything short of that is fair game.

After a short recovery next week, I’m going to need to sit down and overhaul my training routine, or lack of routine as the case may be. I’ve been so goddamn lazy. I need some sort of 80’s movie training montage. Is Kenny Loggins still around? Can I commission him to write some inspirational theme music?

Mostly, I need to ease myself back into the marathon training. Cadbury Marathon is in January, and I want to aim for 4:30 or better. Is that even do-able? I’m going to get some new shoes in the next couple of weeks, and that may bring some bounce back into my step.

Hey, here’ s something awesome. I just discovered that this is my 101st post on this blog. Woohoo! 101 posts and exactly zero in the way of content!